YOU WILL FIND AT US HOME – SICK CHILD ADOPTION

Have you ever thought about adoption of a sick or disabled child?

In Poland, the adoption of a sick or disabled child is still rare. Especially when prognosis is not good. The adoption paradox is that there are two queues. On the one hand, candidates for parents who want to adopt a healthy baby. On the other children: sick, disabled, older, teenagers who have almost no chance for any adoption.

We adopted the sick child who we met at the hospital – Agnieszka’s story

I never thought about adoption and especially about the adoption of a sick or disabled child. However, sometimes our life is arranged in such way that we face the challenge we have to face. That’s how it happened in our case. When I met Kuba I was a happy mother. My son has just turned 6 years old. Unfortunately, then his health problems began, so we extended the diagnostics. Michałek’s hospitalization was necessary.

He got to the 2-person room where Kubuś was lying. At first, I did not pay much attention to him. I saw a small boy who lay peacefully in his bed and I was surprised that his parents were not with him. I waited all the time when they come. Hours passed, and no one came here. Michałek was playing, jumping, walking, still looking for an activity, and his little neighbor was lying all the time. He was very calm. He reminded me of an adult more than a few-year-old child.

Is that his mom?

Finally he had a visit. Is that his mom? – I thought when I saw a middle-aged woman. Somehow they greeted each other in a strange way. However, I did not have the opportunity to take a closer look at this relationship because we went to a common room with Michałek, and later for a walk around the hospital.

When we came back Kuba was already alone. Some sadness struck from this child, helplessness and resignation. He was uniquely calm, at the same time apathetic and introverted. At that time I did not realize what he was going through and how much he suffered.

Loneliness of a sick child

The next day, Kuba was in particularly heavy condition, he was lying under a drip. I did not know then that he was from an orphanage. I was convinced that he was still waiting for the parents to come, and they, for some very, very important reason, could not be with him yet.

That day Michałek did not feel well either. He spent in bed most of the time. I read to him a fairy tale about the „Ugly Duckling” that was looking for a mother and could not find her anywhere. I noticed that Kuba is listening with attention. There were tears on his face. In the evening, when I cuddled my son to sleep, I also went to Kuba, covered him, stroked him, and then he took my hand.

The next day I could not resist myself and I asked a nurse:

What about the boy’s parents, why are not they with him? So you do not know that Kuba is from an orphanage? Poor little boy. It is not enough that he is seriously ill, so he has to face it himself.

She replied with a broken voice.

My throat was squeezed and the tears flowed. I had to close myself in the bathroom and to come round. I could not appear in the room in such a state. Since then, nothing has stopped me. I took care of him, helped with his daily activities, and held his hand. I do not even know when love came in all this.

Decision on the adoption of a sick child

Then everything went fast. I could not imagine that Kuba would return to the orphanage. The boy’s parents were deprived of parental rights. The child’s health condition was particularly severe. In fact, he spent most of his short life in the hospital. He was not given a chance to heal quickly. As I later learned from the legal guardian, he could not find adoptive parents for him. When I told my husband about my idea – Kuba’s adoption, he opposed that very much.

After all, we have a son who requires further treatment, our care and attention. We cannot take care of two sick children

You are wrong.

I said.

We talked for many hours until I heard:

If we have one sick child and we managed, so we will can make it also with two, especially that we already know this disease and we know what it involves.

I realized that I love my husband just for that.

Could we behave in other way?

It’s amazing how Kubuś „revived” when we took him to us. He began to smile, play, and make fun of himself. Michałek also changed very much, he dreamed about siblings. In some moment, I had the impression that the earlier health problems of Kuba resulted from the lack of parents and that all this will pass now, and my second child will be healthy.

Unfortunately, although I dreamed that this miracle would happen, it did not happen. After a few months, another break came. Kuba got to the hospital, and the doctors had more and more problems keeping him alive. Fortunately, it was possible to join him to new therapy. I hoped that maybe finally everything would be fine, and the cruel diagnosis would not work.

With this disease you never know, the doctor explained to me. It can lead to long-term remission and complete recovery. It can also happen differently.

This story has no happy ending. Kubuś left. Many times we heard later how lucky he was to find us, that although he was not alone for the last 1.5 years of his life, he finally had a mom and dad.

 But we were lucky and we had the best Son we could get. Adoption of a sick child has changed our lives – for BETTER.
Slowly a desire for adoption of another child arises in us. We think ONLY about the adoption of a sick child …

You will find more about adoption and loss in the entry: Experiencing loss